so when…

img_0351When you know your marriage is over and realistically, logically and for the sake of your health ( mental and physical ) you can no longer be in a relationship with someone (Obviously we are ignoring the fact that they no longer want to be in a relationship with you) when do you actually tell people?

Be under no illusion the boys know. One thing that beats having your heart smashed to pieces is watching your beautiful adult sons become snot and tear soaked messes. Their hearts breaking and asking ‘why?’ with you rooting around in your mind for some kind of answer which will make sense. Like wandering the catacombs in the dark I have no answers. Me, the one who has an answer for everything. The problem solver extraordinaire is flummoxed.

‘How could you do this to Mum?’ one asks his father who shrugs and says ‘I have to go and find myself, see who I really am..’ his voice trailing off pathetically. I can hear ‘selfish prick’ muttered under my son’s breath, yup that’s my boy and I have an absurd rush of pride.

We live in a small place. If I say people know the colour of your pants when you leave the house that’s not all they know about you. They know everything and if they don’t , they will feel free to make it up as they see fit. They also have memories. Someone could have snogged someone at a party 10 years ago but it will never be forgotten and they will always be know as ‘Harry, you know who snogged his wife’s sister at the Hunters Christmas Party’. So the end of a marriage, especially one so long that has produced children who went to the nursery, junior, middle and secondary school from around here is going to send shock waves.

Or maybe it won’t.

Which is worse: people being saddened or people saying that they could never understand how I’d put up with him for so long.

Crap. I just don’t want to do this. He’s off having a jolly and I’m here. Maybe I should just put a banner up outside the house.

‘WE ARE STILL FRIENDS BUT HE’S HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS AND FUCKED OFF TO FIND HIMSELF.’

Reckon that’d work a treat.

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