It seems…

That Hell has a basement. 

I am a cliche. 

Whereas I thought he was the cliche – midlife crisis with peroxide blonde tattooed personal trainer. 

I have also now become the joke- I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I cry without knowing I am. I find myself just staring into space without even knowing I am. I am a fucking mess. I put on a brave face when necessary but the rest of the time…. I just feel dead. 

I keep waiting to wake up. When will I wake up and this all be over? Please God let it be soon. The pain is so great. The pure unadulterated anguish. I know people in the world deal with greater things, harder things, but that doesn’t take away that, for me, this is the worse thing that has ever happened to me. And yet my heart still beats and I still breathe even tho I am dead. 


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