Waiting for the sun to rise

I’ve been awake since 2am. He woke at 4. I told him I hadn’t realised how broken we are. He told me he was trying to find a way back to me.

It’s been 2 months since he left. Since we broke up. It’s been a month since he came back. How long does it take to find someone again? How long til you realise that you want to spend your life with someone?

All this time I have waited for him. Hoping that he’ll allow me back into his mind, his heart. How long do I have to wait? Can I wait a moment longer? Or is there a future waiting for me that doesn’t include him. 

I’m sitting her waiting for the sun to rise. To begin a new day. Is today the first day of the rest of my life. The birds are starting to sing even tho it’s still dark. The only thing for certain is the sun will rise. It will rise and it will set. Night will follow day and day always follows night. We eat, we sleep, we poo,  we fart and we talk and dream and love. It just depends in what order we do those things and still the day follows night. The darkest hour is just before the dawn. I pray that dawn comes quickly. That the suns rays will bring light into the darkness of my heart. To love and not be loved in return is the most painful thing there is. I’m not sure how much more strength I have. How much courage. How to keep the fears less in my heart. 

When will the sun rise?


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